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  • 中華人民共和國公安部全國公安文學藝術聯合會 主辦  中國社會主義文藝學會法治文藝中心協辦

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    2016年度散文詩歌卷——我的警察兄弟(三十一)

    來源:群眾出版社 作者:劉廣利

     書事

    我喜歡書。有書的地方就有賞心悅目的風景。如果我說周末去逛街,指的其實就是逛書店。

    說不清是何時萌生了對書的興趣。我家不是書香門第,幼時識字尚少,有一天不知誰拿來一本殘破的小人書,封皮早已脫落了,因此連書名也無從知曉;磕磕絆絆讀下去,還記得里面有個女人姓柳,名叫柳葉眉,大概是由于誤會,她跟人生了氣跑到樓上去,一個男子隨后趕來卻被拒之門外,而當他離去時,一塊割斷的衣襟從木格子窗戶里拋出來,只聽柳葉眉堅決地說:“……你我割袍斷義!”——我從此知道世上還有“割袍斷義”這回事。今天想來這極有可能是個戀愛故事,但當初讓我震撼的卻是主人公那象征的、詩意的表達,此后這印象一直頑固地留在腦海里。上學后,一個老師允許我閱讀她為子女訂的《少年文藝》和《兒童文學》,我把它們帶回家,在樹下讀,在灶旁讀,有時在院子里不知不覺讀到暮色漸濃,若干年后這成了我童年記憶中最美的風景之一。

    姑媽家的表哥表姐當年都是初中生,他們家常有“課外書”,我讀的第一本外國小說《簡·愛》就是從那兒翻到的,祝慶英譯,也許是先入為主,我一直偏愛這個譯本。上初三時同學借我看《穆斯林的葬禮》,我不諱言邊讀邊哭的癡狂,那是狼狽也是幸福。讀到奧立佛手捧玫瑰帶著微笑在廢墟中倒下,讀到嚴教授病危時跟學生齊聲朗誦“今夜我們不再一起漫游”,讀到楚雁潮在新月墓前深情地奏響纏綿哀婉的小提琴曲,誰能不灑下一捧熱淚呢?我猜有的人厭煩讀書可能與他的閱讀體驗有關,糟糕的閱讀體驗會使人喪失閱讀興趣從而體會不到讀書之樂。即使作為長篇,《穆斯林的葬禮》也有些厚得嚇人,不過一旦翻開讀下去,要停下來同樣是艱難的。在培養閱讀興趣上我以為這書是個良好的開端。

    家鄉小城找不到一家像樣兒的書店,即便有,書價昂貴往往少人問津。盜版書蔚為大觀的書攤——間或夾雜些正版的——遂成為假日里惹我流連的去處。我曾在那兒買厚厚的盜版《三毛全集》,是無意中讀到的作家傳記激發了我對她的作品的興趣。當然,先前也見過三毛的《雨季不再來》等集子,但她的代表作卻是收在全集中的《撒哈拉的故事》。賣書的看準我有張天真無邪的臉,著實狠狠宰了我一把。我那時全然不知講價的藝術,后來讀到梁實秋一篇專談講價的文章,說善于講價的人要有政治家的臉皮、外交家的嘴巴、殺人的膽量和釣魚的耐心;要不動聲色,故意對想要的東西表示冷漠;要無情批評,把東西褒貶得缺點百出;要狠心還價,不管價錢多少攔腰一砍云云。當下我反其道而行之,一去就告訴人家“我就是沖著這本書來的”,并且欣喜難抑愛不釋手;賣主開價二十三塊,我微弱的降價請求遭到斷然拒絕,結末是一文不少以二十三塊成交了。時過境遷這可算是我做過的最大蠢事之一。那二十三塊錢是母親賣掉一籃子鵝蛋換來的。

    那些年母親總在春天買十幾只鵝雛來養,養成大白鵝上秋賣掉做我的學費。暑假里我每天出去放鵝,《紅樓夢》大半是那時候讀的。藍的天,寧靜的大地,鵝吃草我看書兩不相妨。張愛玲和錢鐘書的小說也都是那時候看的。高中的一個暑假悶在家里,索性把賈平凹的幾個長篇看完,又看《水滸傳》,簡編的四書五經也翻翻,都是小字縮印本,合上書簡直頭昏眼花。沒人引導,更沒有選擇的余地,得什么吃什么,盲目卻也痛快,連瓊瑤的小說也看過幾本。依我看瓊瑤未必毫無可取之處,只要讀者在為她主題的重復和取材的狹窄感到厭倦之前放手。把她跟茅盾作比似乎有些滑稽,茅盾的《子夜》在文學史上備受推崇,但那也僅只是從文學史意義上講,論可讀性大概要輸給《窗外》。康南和江雁容的愛情故事比那個什么吳蓀甫辛苦恣睢發展民族工業好看得多。

    讀大學以后我的書多了起來,有專業書,有為滿足學習需要買的,更多的是為興趣買的。也有別人送的,《追憶似水年華》和《尤利西斯》就是。有一回一個朋友幫他們系清理資料室帶回不少舊書,贈我一本馮友蘭的《中國哲學簡史》,禮尚往來我把一本王小波的小說送給了他。畢業時我的書幾乎一本也沒扔掉,全搬到了單位,一間存放雜物的辦公室成了我的“藏書”室。讀研后手頭持續吃緊,買本書往往費盡躊躇。說來好笑,《柏拉圖全集》的三、四卷是今年春天咬著牙橫著心買下的,而此前已不止一次在書店里看來看去。買得最干脆的可能是送給一個朋友的“并排本”《新約圣經》。那個朋友讀博時攻讀拜占庭史,研習古希臘語,這書里恰好有希臘語譯本,而且收錄了英譯本和幾個有代表性的中譯本。我跟他說起過,但長春找不到。我曾在吉林見過。上次去吉林,清早我便趕到北京路的基督教堂,迎接我的是個和藹的守門人,我向他說明來意,他說:“神祝福你,孩子。”我道了謝,注意到教堂正門口一塊牌子上寫的字,大意是說教堂是神的居所,嚴禁衣冠不整、穿短褲者進入,偏巧我穿著剛及膝的短褲。于是賣書人到來時我只有踮起腳站在窗外講話。聽我說明了緣由,她說:“沒關系,你又不聚會,買書而已!”還有一次是買《草葉集》。我不知為什么會突然喜歡惠特曼的詩,附近書店有一套精裝本,太貴了,我一時拿不定主意,有一天竟眼睜睜看著別人把它買走了。當時是有幾分失落的,誰料失之東隅收之桑榆,不久我在另一家書店看見了平裝本,特別便宜,我便毫不猶豫地買下了。

    一個人不能同時看很多書,不看的就被我存放在家中的小屋里。以前偶有朋友來,不管愛書不愛書的,見了都有些興趣,這讓我非常歡喜,也樂意把書借出去。就像錢只有花掉才能實現它的價值一樣,書也只有在珍惜它、閱讀它的人手里才有意義。但我也有些害怕。覆水難收,我怕借出去的書也難收。有個熟人借走屠格涅夫的《獵人筆記》,起初一碰面他就主動說那書該還了,時間一長竟只字不提,我又不好開口詢問,只能把這事硬生生拋諸腦后。試想如果一個人借錢不還(也許是忘了)而你又不便索要,最明智的做法只能是忘掉,因為耿耿于懷最吃虧的還是自己。也許那個人不知道一個窮學生的書來之不易,他以為動輒提起一本書顯得自己啰唆也顯得對方小氣,其實在這件事上我很希望他把我當成小氣鬼。完璧歸趙重在一個“完”字,可如果歸都不歸,完不完也就不宜總惦記著了。

    我書架上有一本又大又厚的心理學書籍,一天一個兄弟忽然心血來潮,雄赳赳氣昂昂地走過來,只見他以迅雷不及掩耳之勢拿出此書,落座后,頭微微上揚,背稍稍后靠,四條腿的椅子他只讓其中兩條著地,把自己健美的雙腿高高搭在桌面上保持平衡。未及說話,只聽“嘩啦”一聲,書的封面已被他習慣性地繞過書脊卷到封底,幸好不是精裝本,不然封皮一定會斷裂。人說讀萬卷書行萬里路,我讀書少更不曾遠走,從沒見過哪個讀書人以這種態勢看書;那不像看書,倒像一個粗暴的典獄長虐待犯人。曾聽人講,有個兒媳打罵婆婆,做兒子的竟然躲出去,說不忍心看母親挨打受罵。以前一直當這是個笑話,如今不忍卒視卻也只有躲出去。再回來時書已歸架,書底下赫然墊著一個羽毛球,我哭笑不得。

    極愛《紅樓夢》,癡想有一天買一大堆回來,送給每個相契的朋友。可是版本差的不要說送人,便是自己也不愿讀;版本好些的價格又高得離譜,財力不逮只好作罷。假期常常泡書店,覺得有些書大有買回的必要,但也深知十有八九是束之高閣,短期內不可能翻閱。以前手里書很少,常就著低度燈泡昏黃的光讀到深夜,全然忘了窗外淅瀝的雨聲,那是怎樣一種興味!現在書籍漸多,我卻終日為俗務奔忙,即使讀書也是為了完成作業,為了應付考試,為了消磨時光。我懷念那心靜如水為了快樂而讀書的日子。細細想來,現在買那么多書有何益呢?一個朋友說:“你不寬裕,吃飯都成問題還買書,等于自殺呀。”而欲買不能的不滿足感同樣是種折磨。也許幸福從來不等于欲望的滿足,因為欲望的滿足只會引起新的欲望。是的,先哲說得對:幸福在于節制。

     

    (原載《家園》2016年第1期)

     

     

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